The Toilet
For millennia, people have just squatted on the ground or over some sort of hole much like a cat or any other animal. Indeed, most of the world still does this for the most part, except those of us lucky enough to endure the wonder of the modern toilet.
Industrialized societies use things like toilets to prove just how advanced the really are. However, sitting on an apparatus to defecate can remove one from the pulse of life, from our more animal parts.
Many things have been flushed down toilets that shouldn’t have been. Keys, toys, kittens, tampons, tears, food, fetuses… the list is endless and growing every day. It’s important to realize the toilet is a place of damnation. When you flush something, it better be for good. Unfortunately, the toilet is limited. It can flush only small objects. However, a toilet can also flush away ethereal things like anger or fear. Just put it in and pull the handle and watch it vanish.
The longest anybody stayed on a toilet was eighteen weeks. Cassadra Blythe of Westbury England, stayed on an ancient but brightly painted Twyford toilet (the first one-piece design of a toilet) during the fall of 1946. Mrs. Blythe claims constipation as cause for her extended meditation, but family members have always thought otherwise and claim she was merely depressed over the marriage of her childhood love, Edmund Cheeks, to that tawdry Johnson woman.
Strange and often profound thoughts often come into our minds when sitting on a toilet. Einstein had some of his first revelations after a night of eating cheese and bread. Sonnets have been written, odes and epics. It is said that Immanual Kant could only think properly while on the toilet, that he came up with all his greatest ideas there and merely fleshed them out while properly clothed and sitting at his desk. The same was said of Aristotle, that he spent a third of every day sitting on a chamber pot. While there is much speculation on the thoughts that occur while defecating, perhaps it is a rather simple matter.
Look at the shape of a toilet, especially the bottom parts— the sensual curves, the sexy S-shape of the pee trap. Touch the smooth surface of a clean toilet—how cool and collected as if waiting.
Hugging a toilet when sick is a truly singular experience; it’s so strange to be so close to the apparatus, to have your face so near to where your ass usually is. You take on the perspective of your own anus. Notice the moist odor, the cool sides of the bowl–round like the hips of some motherly woman, smooth beneath your hands and so cool.
At least once a month, every individual should take a shit outside, beneath God and the Everything. When doing so, look up at the sky; if night, the heavens. Think about how you’re only alive for a little while and POOF, you’re gone and forgotten.
aleakypen (Stuff for your head to use quietly.) 
